Young Girl Don't Cry...

I don’t understand it. I just don’t understand it. I can’t even begin to comprehend how people can be so cruel to another person, let alone their own child. Last night I read A Child Called “It”. Yeah. All of it. For those of you who don’t know, A Child Called “It” is about the true story of one of the worst child abuse cases ever recorded in the state of California. The third worst case to be exact. If a mother burning, starving, and isolating her child is only the third worst, I don’t even want to know what the second and first were. Reading this book made me want to buy the biggest castle in the world and be Mommy to every abused child in the world.

Baby girl <3

Some people just weren’t meant to be parents. Maybe it wasn’t their choice to become a parent, but that justifies nothing. I just can’t comprehend how a parent can look into the face of their child and then beat them within an inch of their life or scream at them until it causes them to run crying from the house.

Run. Sobbing. From their own house. I saw this tonight with my best friend. I won’t share details, but she's not going home tonight, and it breaks my heart to see her this way. Parents. Whether or not it was your choice to take on the title “Mom” or “Dad”, protect your kids with every last fiber of your being and tell them you love them every day. You have no idea how much kids need it and the negative effects it can have on them if they don’t feel loved.

Bittersweet

Too Hyper
Too Exhausting
Too Naive
Too Happy
Too Loud
Too High-Pitched
Too Much


Not Smart Enough
Not "Cool" Enough
Not Funny Enough
Not  Mature Enough
Not Calm Enough
Not Motivated Enough
Not Good Enough


Obnoxious
Annoying
Bothersome
Irritating
Galling
Boisterous
Immature
Abrasive


Why is this all anyone has to say about me these days? I thought I had more to offer than this. Maybe you don't mean to tear me down this way, but it hurts all the same. I try to be sweet, loyal, optimistic, and fun. So why is it that all anyone can remember is that I'm obnoxious and naive? Why doesn't anyone love me as fiercely as I love them? Why aren't I good enough? Why can't I be someone's favorite for once? Why am I taken for granted, stepped on, overlooked, and abandoned? Why is it so easy to leave me? Why can't anyone accept and love me for exactly who and what I am? 




What am I doing wrong...

Stop Everything

Stop telling me I shouldn’t care.
            You think I don’t know this? Well guess what. I do, and I can’t help it. If it were that easy to stop, don’t you think I would have by now? It’s not and I can’t.

Stop telling me I’m being selfish.
            I’m human. It happens sometimes. I don’t want to feel this way, but guess what. I do.

Stop telling me it was my choice.

            It wasn’t a choice I wanted to make. It was just the only one I had. What was I supposed to do? Stick around and be miserable? Take the abuse? Even if it was “my choice” that doesn’t make this ok. This was YOUR choice that you knew was a bad idea.

Stop telling me it “just happened”.

            Spontaneous combustions “just happen”. Not this. You knew this would happen, but made no effort to stop it. There’s no way you didn’t feel this happening, but pushed on anyway.

Stop telling me I should be over it.

            I’m trying. It’s not that easy. Let’s see you deal with this and try to let it go. I’m doing the best I can. Telling me this is not helping me get there any faster.

Stop telling me I was the one who ended it all.

            I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE.

Stop telling me to “be realistic”.

            I know what’s realistic. Just shut up and let me vent. I don’t open up for judgment.  I open up so I don’t explode from keeping everything so bottled up all the time.

Just stop.

The "W"s...

To my “best friend”,

                                    Why?

Why can’t I rely on you when I’m hurting?

Why am I there for you, but when it’s my turn to hurt you can’t handle it?

Why do you push me away and then greet others so warmly?

Why won’t you talk to me when you’re upset with me?

Why are you choosing the one who hurt me over me?

Why don’t you love me as much as I love you?

Why do you abandon me?

To the boy who “loved” me,

                                    How?

How can you spend hours a day talking to me, sharing secrets and stories and not care?

How can you just leave and forget me?

How can you complain about the girls who hurt you then ignore the one who truly cared?

How can you choose momentary pleasure over someone who wants to make you smile forever?

How can I mean so little to you?

How can you say the things you do, let me believe them, take it all away, and still sleep at night?

To the person who “wanted to be friends”,

                       

                                    Who, What, When?

Who are you to judge me? To tell me what my issues are?

What right do you have to be so cold to me, when I’m just trying to be friendly?

When are you going to let go and grow up?

What makes you think you’re in any position to think you’re above me?

When will you open your eyes?

What happened to you?

To anyone who will answer,

                                    Where?

Where are the people who will mean what they say?

Where are the people who actually care?

Where did the understanding of “loyalty” go?

                                                                  Or maybe it’s me...

What's wrong with me?