A Message to the Body

           Left ear. I’m talking to you right now. You have absolutely no reason to be having such a hissy fit right now. Both you and right ear got total spot light when I was little. I can understand then, you were both young and still trying to figure out your jobs. Now you’re just being an attention whore. You’re here to help me hear stuff, not make my head feel cloudy. Now cut it out, or I’ll put more holes in you.
            As for you, sore throat, I understand you have a tendency to come back once a year, but seriously!? Did you have to bring all your friends too? I don’t have time for this! I’ve got stuff to do. I do not have time to tend to your needs, as well as the swamp you have puddling in the back of my throat. It’s gross! This is seriously the most inconsiderate thing you could do. I tried giving you water and tea with honey. I even gargled salt water for you. SALT. WATER. Do you know how unpleasant that is!? But no. You still sit here making me uncomfortable. Thanks a heap, buddy. I’m glad our relationship is going so well.
            Now, sinuses, you really haven’t been that bad. You let up when I take medicine and such, but honestly? What made you think acting up when my left ear and throat decided to launch an assault on me? Or is my body just out to get me in general? Because I have a bone to pick with the uterus too, however I’ll leave that rant to Allie ANYWAY. Seriously, stop that. I like being able to smell and taste things, and you are robbing me of that pleasure.

            Eyes. What is YOUR deal? I’ve been sleeping a LOT lately and you’re STILL not satisfied! Are the lids just having a love affair and can’t stand to be apart even though they’re together 16 times per minute? Really? That’s REALLY not enough? Ok, guys. I see how it is. You’re both clingy, needy bitches that need to be together forever and always. If you didn’t have nerve endings, bad things would happen to you.
            And finally, skin. Just what, what, WHAT. On Earth are you even DOING!? I thought we were friends! We were good until the summer hit! What happened to the liking each other!? When did you decide to just be super sensitive to everything? I can’t even let my own HAIR touch you without you being irritated! Seriously, dude, what’s with all the attitude? I thought you liked the wild mane! You’re just not helping my situation at all.
            Overall, guys, every last one of you are being a great big buttinsk. Some more than others, but there’s seriously some major diva-ness happening here. Is it because I’m not eating as many vegetables as I used to? This is not a democracy. You’re all parts of MY body and you will function the way I want you to function. You all need to just sit down and calm yourselves. I do not have time for each and every one of you to have a huge melt down every time I don’t do something your way. I got us all this far, how about you let me continue without a fight every few weeks, ok? Ok, cool.

Sincerely and extremely not amused,
Sierra