The Boy I Used To Love

  I had a realization in the past couple of days. Those who have known me for a while are aware that up until May of last year, I was in a very unhealthy relationship. Even though it ended a year ago, it still has its effects on me. I think about it more than I should. I think about him more than I should. I don't miss him or any of the relationship. It just crosses my mind a lot. The good and the bad. Unfortunately, the bad was really bad. Some called it emotionally/mentally abusive. I'm not sure if I completely agree with this, but I don't have any other way to describe it. It was damaging and it still baffles me sometimes why I let it continue for so long. 

  However, I've forgiven him. He may harbor contempt for me until the day he dies, but there's nothing I can do about that. I can only forgive him and wish him well, which I have done and continue to do. I listened to a song a couple of days ago that really opened my eyes to the situation, and to be honest, it makes me a little sad. I've realized that now we're out of high school and will most likely never see each other again, he's only a memory. The only place he can exist in my world anymore is in my memories. This means I get to choose. I can either dwell on all of the bad things that happened between us, the nasty things he said to me, and about me or I can smile and remember when we loved each other and laughed together. Granted, the latter makes me tear up because I miss being friendly towards one another, but it's better than harboring fear and anger from the darker parts of the relationship. He's nothing more than a memory now, and I choose to remember him fondly.