Outcast

I don't really have anything to say...but I feel like writing anyway. I went to the river with some new people today. I'd never hung out with them before, but I found that I really enjoyed their company. It was nice to be around people that didn't mind my strange sense of humor or my "over the top" nature. It's nice to feel like you fit in. 
I remember feeling like an outcast all the time, growing up. I was always too loud, too weird, or too hyper. Everything I did seemed to bother the other kids. It wasn't until 6th grade that I made real friends. Even then I still kind of felt like an outcast. I've always been on the short side, so when the taller girls had a conversation, I couldn't really hear what was going on. It sucked.
Then there was the district change and I had to figure out middle school all over again and make new friends. This didn't take too long, but we were labeled as the "weird kids". I remember one of my friends who was new in 8th grade telling me what another girl said to her.
"You know you can join us any time you want, right? We know how Sierra can be."

Maybe it's just me, but I really only remember the bad stuff that happened in middle school. I'm sure it had its moments when it was great, but I really don't remember that. 
Then came high school, where I just tried to be friendly with everyone. For the most part, it worked. There were still the select few who didn't like me because I still got on their nerves or held onto their previous image of me in their heads, but it wasn't a big deal.
However, I remember not really having a solid best friend, and maybe that's a good thing, but it still kind of stung. I had my friends that I cherished and considered a best friend, but for some reason, no one ever really returned the sentiments. I always ended up as "plan B". Although, it's possible I'm only remembering negative experiences because they're what stick with us for a long long time. Or maybe that's just me. 
Sometimes that "plan B" feeling still surfaces, but I think that's just part of life. We have to realize that we're not always going to be everyone's favorite person. No matter how much we want to. I can't make people who don't like me, like me anymore than I can force someone to make me their best friend. Everyone wants to be liked, but not everyone is going to be liked by everyone. Some of us (me) need to come to terms with this. It's hard to accept that not everyone likes you when you just want to be everybody's friend, but that's how life goes sometimes. 
I'm not posting this to get pity or anything. I just wanted to write something and this is what came out. Maybe some of you relate, maybe some of you don't. Either way, it's 12 am, I'm tired, and I'm going to bed.
Good night :]

Keep Calm and Carry On: A Letter to Myself

Sierra.
Stop panicking. Just stop. It's not the end of the world. It's the beginning of a new chapter. Things are changing, responsibilities are being acquired, independence is being declared, freedom is being granted. It's going to be different, but it's going to be wonderful. It's going to be a challenge, but it's going to be so worth it. You're not the first person to do this, and you won't be the last. Settle down. Breathe. It's going to be ok. YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK. Now stop worrying, questioning, and stressing. Start getting excited. Things will work out. However. You need to apply yourself. Get done what needs to be done. Don't put it off. Stop thinking yourself into a labyrinth of worry and confusion. Take it a day at a time. Plan for success. Make a habit out of excellence. Easier said than done, yes, but not impossible. You're not even going that far, remember? You're not stranded on an island or stuck on the other side of the world. Your family isn't going to let you drown. Take a deep breath. Take another deep breath. Relax. There's no time for panicking. You're too busy being excited, remember? Stop feeling anxious. Everything is going to be fine.
"Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end." Remember? 


Fearless.