You Keep Slipping Away...

I cried for you tonight. You'll probably never know it...you probably don't even care. You're probably too far gone by now. I miss you. So much. And your life right now scares the shit out of me. There are a million things I should be worrying about right now, and the only thing I can think about is you. Are you safe? Are you ok? Did you eat today? When was the last time you slept? Why do you do this to yourself? I know you don't want to live very long because you're scared of growing old, but please. Please. Please. Please. Please. PLEASE. Stop before it's too late. All I want in the world right now is the ability to save you from yourself. I know you're mad at me, and you'll probably never forgive or trust me again. I'm sorry. All I wanted was to help you, but you have to help yourself. And you don't want that. Even though you won't say a word to me right now, I hope you know I'll ALWAYS be here for you. I know I've already posted about this, but I can't stress this enough. It kills me to see you go farther and farther down this path. Please get help and come back to me. You ARE worth it. And you're better than this. I love you. I hope you know that. No matter what, I love you, but you need to love yourself.

Dear Mr. Right

To my future husband:
Hi.
    Let me start with, God help you for thinking it might be a good idea to spend your life with me. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into. Now I don't really know who you are, or how long it will be until I meet you, but let me just say I'm so excited to fall in love with you. I know we'll have many years of harmony and making each other laugh. It's amazing to me that you're walking around....well....it's midnight....so you're probably sleeping or up late in your room like me, but that's beside the point. The idea is that you're on this earth right now and I have literally no idea who you are. Are you on the other side of the world? Will I meet you next year in college? Do I already know you? Have I passed you in a store or have we been in the same building before completely unaware of each other? Are you that "idiot" I got mad at the other day for driving too slow? It's almost eerie. I could have looked you right in the face already, without even knowing that I'm going to spend the rest of my adult life with you.
    There are probably a few things you should know, though. Obviously if you're opting to share a life with me, you more than likely already know these things. However, I AM only eighteen right now, so I'm bound to change a LOT by the time we're married, so I guess these are more things about me and my thoughts when I was eighteen....We'll see how much all this changes.
                                                
    Right now, I'm kind of in a "who needs men?" phase....so if you're my next boyfriend, you must be pretty fantastic to pull me out of this. I know it sounds unreasonable, but I've dealt with so much (no doubt you'll hear about it) in the past year, that I really am in no mood to settle for anything less than a regular Disney prince. Oh, yeah. I'm five years old at heart. There will be Disney movies and coloring books present at all times. With or without kids (you can bet on having kids, by the way....at least 3). I can be pretty high maintence. I know...probably not something I should share, but it's true. I like a lot of "us" time.
    I don't really know what to expect in our relationship, but I know what I would like it to be. Since March of this year I've been OBSESSED with this Youtube family called, "The Shaytards". Everything I've ever wanted in a marriage and family is present in their daily vlogs. They seem perfect to me, but obviously, they aren't. No one is. However, they seem happy 98% of the time. I would love to have that. I believe there should be a "no going to bed angry" rule. Anyone I've ever gotten in a fight with will tell you that I don't like to just drop issues or "forget about it". I want to fix whatever the problem is.
    I also believe that every weekend or day off should begin with pancakes. I don't know why, it's just a thing I have in my head. Along with this, I'm a firm believer in the idea that a bubblebath with scented candles can melt away any stress....so I'll be in the bathtub a lot. With candles. Oh! That reminds me. Perfect gift for Sierra: scented candles......obviously. :P Not that I expect a lot of gifts. Honestly, I'd rather go DO things.
    Which brings me to my next thought. I'd love for us to travel and have adventures together. My mom has been skydiving twice, but so far, has been hesitant to take me. Of course, now that's something I'm dying to do. Wanna jump out of a plane with me?
    I'm sure you'll probably already know this, but I'm very energetic and my brain moves faster than my mouth sometimes. I can be all over the place and forget things...so be patient with me when I ask you who your favorite band/musician is for the 34th time.
    Friends and family are also very important to me. Not just mine, yours. It will eat me up if your friends or family don't like me and I will do whatever I can to try to appeal to them. It's just how I am...for now, anyway. I believe that when you date someone, you're dating their whole entorage (probably didn't spell that right...) too.
    I realize I'm talking about myself a lot here, but that's because I can't talk about you, because I don't know you yet! I'm so impatient to meet you, though. I know we'll have lots of great memories and very happy lives. I look forward to every future memory we're going to make. Until then, whoever you are.

In A Year & A Year To Come

  It's really amazing how much can change over a year. If you had told me this time last year that over the span of a few months my best friends would be the most distant people from me, my then boyfriend would hate me, I'd have people almost constantly in and out of my life, and I'd lose my job and not find one until almost a year later.....I would have looked at you like you had sprouted another head.
  But it's true. Over the span of a year I've broken up with a boyfriend who I thought I'd be with forever (oh, young love :P), Lost my two best friends to their new friends...or...in some cases, "friends", gained many new friends (it hasn't all been bad), switched jobs, lost and gained weight, had two more romantic interests, had some other close people slip out of my life, but also have some new dear friends enter. I don't think we really realize just how much can change in a year. Or maybe it's just me, personally. I never expected this much change. I'm not the same person I was last year. I'm stronger, braver, more secure with myself, and I think I've actually grown up a lot. I realize that this nowhere near compares to what waits in my college years ahead, but I'm considering this the appetizer.

  This year, I've learned to stand up for myself. I've learned to let things, as well as people, go. I've learned that you can't change people who don't want to change. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. While I have lost people, I've gained so many fantastic ones. My only complaint is that a lot of them are so far away. When I say "gain" people, I don't mean just new people. There are people that have been around most of my life that I'm..."rediscovering", I guess. People who have been there, but I never really knew. I think these are the most fun people to befriend, because they will always surprise you. You know you've made judgements or assumptions over the years about these people, and then you get to laugh either to, or at yourself when you realize whether or not you were right. I really hope to get to know these people even more with the new year.

  Speaking of the rapidly approaching new year, aren't there resolutions to be made? Obviously everyone makes these resolutions, but never really stick to them. Well, this year is going to be different! Progress trackers usually help a lot with these kinds of things. So here are my new years resolutions:
1. Get back down to a healthy weight (already working on this one)
2. Be more active (no more long days on the internet!)
3. (this one might just be until the next school year) Save, save, save!! (college ain't cheap)
4. Develop a strong backbone (no more door mats!)
5. Blog more often :P
6. Become stronger religiously (I've been a lazy Christian....time to fix that)
7. Put more effort into grades (I'm also a lazy student...oops)

  I'll find some way to keep track of how I'm doing on these 7 things, some will be easier than others. And I hope you'll make a list that's meaningful to yourself too and find a way to stick to it. This isn't just picking at what's wrong with ourselves. It's improving ourselves in a way that makes US happy. And with that, I bid you good night.

Silent Screams

Dear friend,
What's happened to you? What has she done to you?
Can't you see what she's still doing? She may make you smile, but it's only temporary.
She'll come around one day with all her friends to kill you in the end. They were all demons to begin with. Can't you see how terrified I am for you? That I worry about you every day?
That it breaks my heart every time she's in town?
Dear friend, please get rid of her and take care of yourself again.
I'm on my knees. Begging you. Please.
Please. Save yourself.
I've tried so hard to  save you, to make you listen.
But now I see that it's up to you to realize the danger you put yourself in.
It's up to you to slay the demons that hold you so tightly with their charming smiles and false promises of happiness. Please break free before they possess you completely.
I miss you. Please open your eyes.
Please.
Save yourself or let me help you.

All my love,
Sierra

PS,
It's not just me, we're all worried.
And the ones who aren't?
They're not your real friends. They won't be there when the world come crashing down.
But I will. Always.

East Snob

            It truly amazes me how ungrateful kids can be. I hear kids complaining all the time about where they live and how much our school is a prison and sucks. Honestly, every time I hear someone complain, I lose a little respect for them. Not to brag, but we live in an area with a considerably high standard of living. Our school is one of the best in the nation, and kids here are spoiled with the newest gadgets. If you’re living in an area where you can total your car FOUR times and your parents still replace it, you have no room to complain. So, naturally, it boils my blood when I hear someone say “God, I can’t wait to get out of here. Walton/East Cobb sucks.” I think to myself “Ok, buddy. Let’s take you up to North Cobb and see how much better you like it in a school that requires metal detectors at the front entrance.”

"What do you mean I'm
only getting a LEXUS!?"
-Caption courtesy of Nick Citrone

            It makes me even crazier when kids get angry that they got in trouble for breaking the rules or the law. I’ve heard people say they’re going to court for “stupid shit”. Meaning, they broke the law and got caught. Newsflash. You’re not above the law. If you get caught doing something illegal, there ARE going to be consequences. Just follow the rules, and you’re fine. Don’t get mad because you’re in trouble for doing something you knew you weren’t supposed to be doing in the first place. That was your stupid choice. Now you get to live with it.

            Others just complain about how the people are terrible. Guess what. There are going to be people like this no matter where you go. Appreciate where you are now, because I guarantee, you won’t be living anywhere this nice for a while once you move out. If your biggest problem is that a few people around you are less than desirable, you’re doing pretty damn well. So stop complaining and appreciate all you have.
That’s all I’ve got to say about that.

No More Dead Babies

Before reading this post, please refer to this story:
 Ashlynn Conner Suicide

This absolutely enrages me. Why is it that kids feel the need to pick each other apart to such extremes? Now, I'm not saying I'm completely innocent, I've made a few kids cry. However, I've never consistently targeted someone, set others on them, and led them to suicide. Can it really be called suicide in these cases? I feel like if you torment a person to the point that they feel the only escape is to kill themselves, then there should at least be a manslaughter charge.


RIP Ashlynn Conner
You left too soon. <3

In this case, I'm not sure if I'm more upset with the bullies, or the mother. When your kid comes to you ASKING to be home schooled, that's an immediate sign that something is wrong. Do something. Don't just assume that your reassurements are going to drown out a bully's taunts or physical blows. This little girl was 10 years old. 10. She never learned how to drive a car, she never had a first date or first kiss, she didn't even make it to middle school. All because of some mean spirited kids.
Seriously, where is the adult supervision here? Obviously, parents can't be in school with their kids monitering their every move and teachers can't watch every kid, but there needs to be a lot more involvment. And let me make it perfectly clear, that when I say involvment, I mean more than just those annual anti-bullying lessons. Let's be honest, it really doesn't do a lot. You can teach kids "the steps" all you want, that's not going to stop a bully who knows exactly what these "special" steps are.
When kids want to be mean, they're vicious. They don't care what they're words or actions do if they want to lash out. Trying to reason with them doesn't do much either. You can trust me on this. I tried to make friends with the bullies when I was younger. In fact, one of the biggest bullies to me was my best "friend". Once a bully decides they found a good target, they're NOT going to let up.
Parents need to take quite a significant amout of involvment in their children's lives, not necessarrily be "helicopter parents". They just need to make sure they know what's going on in their kids' social lives, and when a child comes to them about a bully, or something seems wrong, they need to ACT. Call attention to the situation and get the school involved. If the school does nothing, it's time to find a new school. Yes, this may seem like a hassle, but honestly? What's a little bit of temporary hassle in your life to possible save your child's life? However, this doesn't just go for the parents of the victims. The parents of bullies need to be informed and involved as well, because if not corrected at a young age, child bullies only grow into adult bullies.
Personally, I think there should be a certain level at which bullying becomes a felony. There's just no reason for there to be dead kids because of what some loud mouth said. This isn't going to just go away on its own. We need to be doing more than "anti-bullying week/month/whatever" once a year. It's time to really come down hard on bloodlusting bullies. I don't know about you, but I'm sick of hearing horror story after horror story. This needs to stop.

Socks: An Overview on One of Life's Simple Pleasures

Anyone who knows me somewhat well knows that I have a more than slightly unhealthy obsession with socks. Don't ask me why, I just do. No, not those plain white "can't even see them when you put your shoes on" socks. I mean SOCKS. The long things that stretch up to your knees and have all sorts of different patterns, colors, and designs. Granted, I do have two pairs of little socks, but that's only because they were intended for children below the age of 8. Don't judge me. They were one dollar at Target. One pair has colorful polka dots and the other are my prized batman socks. Come on now, how was I supposed to pass THAT up? I'll admit, the batman socks are kind of stretched out and hole-y (ha) now and I can only find one of them (I'm going through serious withdrawal at the moment), but that doesn't change the absolute joy I get from wearing them.

Best fashion decision I ever made

Every time I slip batman on my feet, I KNOW it's going to be a good day. Are bad days even possible when you have one of the coolest super heros EVER on your feet? I seriously doubt it. In fact, last year I participated in my chorus's fashion show (it's a fundraiser thingy), as a model. I'm going to be honest, I have a mini panic attack whenever I have to go on stage. This situation was no different, so what did I do? Took off the heels and wore my socks until the very last minute. Crisis averted. I have to say, Batman looks fantastic with a sparkling purple dress.
Despite my absolute love for Batman socks, knee high socks are where it's at. During the summer I'd be walking around my house in long Tshirts and knee highs, and let me tell you, I found it perfectly comfortable despite the occasional falling down the stairs. Let's be honest, I'm probably the least graceful person you will ever meet, but that's not going to stop me from sliding down hardwood floors in my neon tiger stripes.
I realize this is probably the most unorganized blog ever. I jump from thought to thought, and nothing really goes anywhere, but I need to take a moment to talk about my neon tiger striped socks. These were my first ever knee high socks, and I'm absolutely in love with them. I remember being at Delia*s looking for some small socks with fun designs. Then...just above a pair I thought couldn't be beaten....BAM. Knee high neon tiger stripes. I bought them without any question, and that was the beginning of my love/need/obsession with knee highs.

I realize a good portion of you will just roll your eyes, considering this no more than a ramble about a simple piece of clothing. Yes, I used this to talk about my love of socks, but that's not all I'm trying to get at. Happiness can come from the simplest, most unexpected places. Whether it be a piece of cloth you use to decorate/warm your feet, a smile from another person, or just the words of a complete stranger.
I think a lot of people overlook the small things without realizing just how much impact they can really have. It's because of this that people don't always realize that for every one reason we have to be sad, we have two more reasons to be happy. All the time, I listen to peers talk about how much life and humanity sucks. I believe that if they just stopped for a second, and counted the small things as well, they'd realize that the world is actually quite a lovely place.
It's all about perception and what you decide to put emphasis on. You can dwell on the fact that you didn't get your way in a certain situation, or you can focus on the fact that there will be other and better chances in the near future.

Abraham Lincoln once said "Do not despair that roses have thorns, but rejoice that thorns have roses" and I couldn't agree more, Sir.

A Poem About Falling In the Shower

Roses are red
Violets are blue

Showers are slippery
This better not bruise

The music was catchy
Sierra, you're an idiot

You know that you're clumsy
And your strength is not dance

It's really no surprise
That you fell flat on your ass

Ponies

So there's this show on The Hub that has somehow caught the attention of a significant amount of the male population. Perhaps you know it. It's about six little ponies who get into all sorts of shenanigans and must overcome them through the power of friendship. Each of these precious little ponies has a fabulous character trait that makes all six of them together invicible for whatever reason, and to be honest, it kind of reminds me of Sailor Moon. There's the ever honest Applejack, beautiful and generous Rarity, kind and gentle Fluttershy, ever loyal Rainbow dash, psycho therefore full of laughter Pinkie Pie, and that one that wields magic through her face stick.  

Seriously. Sailor Moon all over the place.

I'm not going to lie, I freaking love this show. The more you watch it, the more you don't believe it was really made for 8 year olds. Well....obviously it was. They're colorful ponies that conquer evil with friendship, but it's also more than that. There's humor included that only those of older ages would understand. Now it's possible that those moments were just thrown in there for the parents of the 8 year olds watching the show, but who cares? 

Yep...this is what I identify
with most, guys...

Honestly, I find it both amusing and somewhat horrifying that I can relate to Pinkie Pie. She's psychotic, and I'm pretty sure somewhat schizofrenic. Not exactly something you want to identify with, but other parts of her personality are huge components of myself. I love the fact that each pony has a genuinely different personality from the rest. It's a great break from some of these other kids' shows that only consist of spaztic screaming and disgusting behavior.
What I love most about the different personalities of the ponies is that they need all of them to defeat whatever the enemy may be in their two part episodes, and then in the regular episodes, they show how to work out the differences between them. It's about acceptance. Which sounds fantastic to a girl who spent a lot of her life getting weird looks and left out because she was "different".
Well....that's pretty much all I have to say on that. I know it's short, but I really only wrote about MLP because that's what the majority wanted, so here it is guys. Now, if you'll excuse me there's a Harry Potter Marathon on ABC Family I want to get to.

Young Girl Don't Cry...

I don’t understand it. I just don’t understand it. I can’t even begin to comprehend how people can be so cruel to another person, let alone their own child. Last night I read A Child Called “It”. Yeah. All of it. For those of you who don’t know, A Child Called “It” is about the true story of one of the worst child abuse cases ever recorded in the state of California. The third worst case to be exact. If a mother burning, starving, and isolating her child is only the third worst, I don’t even want to know what the second and first were. Reading this book made me want to buy the biggest castle in the world and be Mommy to every abused child in the world.

Baby girl <3

Some people just weren’t meant to be parents. Maybe it wasn’t their choice to become a parent, but that justifies nothing. I just can’t comprehend how a parent can look into the face of their child and then beat them within an inch of their life or scream at them until it causes them to run crying from the house.

Run. Sobbing. From their own house. I saw this tonight with my best friend. I won’t share details, but she's not going home tonight, and it breaks my heart to see her this way. Parents. Whether or not it was your choice to take on the title “Mom” or “Dad”, protect your kids with every last fiber of your being and tell them you love them every day. You have no idea how much kids need it and the negative effects it can have on them if they don’t feel loved.

Bittersweet

Too Hyper
Too Exhausting
Too Naive
Too Happy
Too Loud
Too High-Pitched
Too Much


Not Smart Enough
Not "Cool" Enough
Not Funny Enough
Not  Mature Enough
Not Calm Enough
Not Motivated Enough
Not Good Enough


Obnoxious
Annoying
Bothersome
Irritating
Galling
Boisterous
Immature
Abrasive


Why is this all anyone has to say about me these days? I thought I had more to offer than this. Maybe you don't mean to tear me down this way, but it hurts all the same. I try to be sweet, loyal, optimistic, and fun. So why is it that all anyone can remember is that I'm obnoxious and naive? Why doesn't anyone love me as fiercely as I love them? Why aren't I good enough? Why can't I be someone's favorite for once? Why am I taken for granted, stepped on, overlooked, and abandoned? Why is it so easy to leave me? Why can't anyone accept and love me for exactly who and what I am? 




What am I doing wrong...

Stop Everything

Stop telling me I shouldn’t care.
            You think I don’t know this? Well guess what. I do, and I can’t help it. If it were that easy to stop, don’t you think I would have by now? It’s not and I can’t.

Stop telling me I’m being selfish.
            I’m human. It happens sometimes. I don’t want to feel this way, but guess what. I do.

Stop telling me it was my choice.

            It wasn’t a choice I wanted to make. It was just the only one I had. What was I supposed to do? Stick around and be miserable? Take the abuse? Even if it was “my choice” that doesn’t make this ok. This was YOUR choice that you knew was a bad idea.

Stop telling me it “just happened”.

            Spontaneous combustions “just happen”. Not this. You knew this would happen, but made no effort to stop it. There’s no way you didn’t feel this happening, but pushed on anyway.

Stop telling me I should be over it.

            I’m trying. It’s not that easy. Let’s see you deal with this and try to let it go. I’m doing the best I can. Telling me this is not helping me get there any faster.

Stop telling me I was the one who ended it all.

            I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE.

Stop telling me to “be realistic”.

            I know what’s realistic. Just shut up and let me vent. I don’t open up for judgment.  I open up so I don’t explode from keeping everything so bottled up all the time.

Just stop.

The "W"s...

To my “best friend”,

                                    Why?

Why can’t I rely on you when I’m hurting?

Why am I there for you, but when it’s my turn to hurt you can’t handle it?

Why do you push me away and then greet others so warmly?

Why won’t you talk to me when you’re upset with me?

Why are you choosing the one who hurt me over me?

Why don’t you love me as much as I love you?

Why do you abandon me?

To the boy who “loved” me,

                                    How?

How can you spend hours a day talking to me, sharing secrets and stories and not care?

How can you just leave and forget me?

How can you complain about the girls who hurt you then ignore the one who truly cared?

How can you choose momentary pleasure over someone who wants to make you smile forever?

How can I mean so little to you?

How can you say the things you do, let me believe them, take it all away, and still sleep at night?

To the person who “wanted to be friends”,

                       

                                    Who, What, When?

Who are you to judge me? To tell me what my issues are?

What right do you have to be so cold to me, when I’m just trying to be friendly?

When are you going to let go and grow up?

What makes you think you’re in any position to think you’re above me?

When will you open your eyes?

What happened to you?

To anyone who will answer,

                                    Where?

Where are the people who will mean what they say?

Where are the people who actually care?

Where did the understanding of “loyalty” go?

                                                                  Or maybe it’s me...

What's wrong with me?

Why Aldous Huxley and I are NOT friends.

Ok. I need to rant a little bit today. This summer I read Brave New World by Aldous Huxley for my British Literature class. Let me just say I never realized just how angry a book could make me. There are many things in this book that bugged me, but let me just start off with the main female character.

LENINA. What. The. EFF!? Seriously, something went seriously wrong with this chick’s egg sack or whatever it was they called it. I’m pretty sure her whole existence and purpose in the whole book was to just whine about every little thing she didn’t like. And it was damn OBNOXIOUS. I mean really. Who knowingly goes on vacation to tour an “uncivilized” world and then spends the whole time complaining because it’s nothing like home!? Her exact words were “I wish we brought the helicopters. I hate walking”. I’m just sitting here reading this like. Really, bitch? Really? Do you realize that just a few chapters ago you were worrying about how chunky you are? And now you’re complaining about walking. God forbid Lenina has to use her legs. I’m telling you, something went horribly wrong during this girl’s development process.

Actually, speaking of development, can someone please explain to me the justification these people have in torturing 18 month old kids for the sake of their ridiculous caste system? I mean really, is scarring kids for life and making them afraid of flowers and books completely necessary? I don’t see why they couldn’t just brainwash them into not liking those things with the creepy voices they play while the kids are sleeping. There is no reason to use shock therapy on 1 year olds.

Oh, and the caste system just makes me damn angry. Not that that’s any different from the rest of the book, but seriously? We have to mutate and purposely dumb down people for a “perfect” society? With the technology they’re using they could be just making machines to do all the dirty work and let everyone be equal. This whole Alpha, Beta, Gamma thing is just stupid.

Honestly, it makes me appreciate Bernard even more, but of course, even he gets big headed and totally loses my respect later. Characters like this always make me angry. They’re humble until they come into the position of power, and then they take total advantage of every perk that comes their way like they’ll never ever lose that position. Then like the idiots they are, they throw away everyone who was ever nice and supportive of them for a few chances to get laid or something of the like. It especially made me seethe when Bernard made promises on behalf of John the Savage. Seriously, dude. You can’t go around making promises to everyone without consulting the guy in question first, and then act all shocked and betrayed when he’s not cool with it. Last I checked, you don’t own this guy, and I highly doubt he wants to spend an evening being gawked at by people he doesn’t know. I don’t blame him either. That’s freaking awkward.

Which reminds me, at what point did society give paparazzi the right to break the invasion of privacy laws? These people are proof that it is possible to have your head all the way up another person’s ass. And these guys were hardcore about it too! They drove poor John to offing himself via rope necklace! Seriously, guys? What are you doing? Take a good hard look at your life…or just go home and take a ridiculous amount of soma or something.
SOMA. Whose bright idea was THAT!? How about instead of artificial happiness, you create a government that allows a lifestyle in which you don’t need to pop pills to be happy? Maybe it’s just me, but if I’m gonna create some amazing utopian world, I’d like to make sure it’s actually pleasant without depending on drugs.

Now can we talk about the polygamy for a second? I understand people believe humans weren’t designed to stay together, but that does NOT mean that you go whore yourself out to every pretty thing with genitals. That’s how you get AIDS and die. No joke. I don’t care how shiny and new your medical machines are or how advanced your vaccines are. I guarantee you with everyone humping anything that moves like that SOMEONE is walking around with critters in their downstairs or the herply erplies. You’ve pretty much got everyone begging for genital warts, but whatever. It’s cool. We’ll all just whine and space out on soma and it’ll be all good, right?
Aldous Huxley….we are NOT friends.

Why Me?

  I was watching the Disney movie Aladdin (don't judge, it's a wonderful movie about love and freedom) tonight, and it got me thinking about the world. Not just my 17-year-old girl world, but the huge, enormous Earth, and all the people on it. Have you ever stopped to think about just how many people are on Earth? How many different stories a person's life could tell? The diverse situations you could find yourself in?


  I'll be the first to say that I'm a Christian, and I believe God has blessed me with this life. However, tonight I caught myself thinking about my life, who I am, and what I'm really doing here. I'm blessed to live in a safe area with heating/AC, plumbing, and security. I never have to worry about when my next meal will be or where it will come from. I don't have to lock all my doors and windows eight times over, and I don't have to scout out my room for nails, bugs, rats etc. I live in an area with so much to offer and so much opportunity. My biggest issue every day seems to be what I'll wear or how I'll tame this mane I call hair.


  Tonight, however, I'm wondering why I was blessed with this wonderful life. Why woud I, a selfish, whiney, ungrateful, spoiled brat be blessed with such an amazing life full of incredible people who love me despite my flaws? I take so much for granted it's ridiculous, and no, I'm not always the best person I could be. I'll tell you right now, I am not always a nice girl. I can go from sweet to hateful so fast it'll make your head spin. Ask anyone. Yet, there's a kid in Africa or China or Japan who has nothing and is the happiest kindest person you'll ever meet. How is that fair? Here I am, a spoiled East Cobb kid with nothing to really complain about, but that's what a spend a good time doing. Meanwhile, there's a kid out there who has every reason in the world to complain, but instead they're the happiest most pleasant little kid you've ever met in your life.


  As a Christian, I believe that God doesn't throw anything at us that He thinks we can't handle. Does that mean that the people with little to no problems are weak, and these amazing kids with nothing but tradgedy in their lives are the warriors of the world? And even if you're not religious, think about it, why were you so lucky to have a life in which your biggest issue is you don't want to go to work or you have a zit on your forehead that your bangs cover anyway? Why are we, the people who take all the good things in our life for granted, the lucky ones while people in Japan, Egypt, or Libya have to fight and suffer? Can you imagine waking up every morning wondering if you'll make it to bed that night the same way you woke up? Maybe it's just me being a naive teenager, but the fact that I can sit here and take for granted that I even have my own computer to write this blog on, while another person in the world is elated to just find a loaf of stale bread in a garbage can is mind blowing to me.


  I never realize how much I take for granted until I really think about it, but then I forget about it and move on with whatever I was doing, and complain about something as minute as slow internet, or my boyfriend not responding to me on Facebook. I remember when I was working, every night I worked I would complain to myself and everyone around me how I didn't want to work. I look back now, after the store I was working for closed, how grateful and happy I should have been to even have work. I was 17 and didn't even really need a job, yet I had one and complained about it, meanwhile people with families to support and mortgages to pay were losing their jobs left and right. It just leaves me with the question "Why me?" What did I do to deserve so many good things happen to me when I really don't truly appreciate a fraction of it?


  So I guess, the whole point of this blog/rant/whatever you want to call it is be grateful to be where you are right now. If your biggest problem is that your family is being annoying, or you can't go anywhere this weekend because you're grounded or your car is busted and you don't have a ride, you've got it pretty well off. Instead of griping at your family for being annoying, hug them and be happy that you know exactly where they are, and they're safe, unlike so many people in Japan. When you call your family and friends, you know you're going to talk to them. Imagine all the people in Japan who's loved ones didn't pick up, and be grateful. If you're grounded or you can't go anywhere this weekend, be happy you still have a home to stay in. Think about all the good things you've been lucky enough to have, and just be thankful for them. You may not believe it every day or always remember it, but if you're even able to get online and read this blog, you're doing pretty well. Be thankful, guys, just be thankful.

At War With Ourselves

I’ve been at war with myself since 7^th grade (for those of you who don’t know or don’t remember, that’s about 13) when I looked at myself from the side and realized my stomach puffs out. Every few months since then I’d tell myself I’m going to lose weight and make that puff go away. Aaaand every few months all I end up doing is getting sorta close, then dropping the ball and gain a pound or two more than I originally had. I’ve been doing this for 4 years now, and I still don’t like myself. In fact, I’ve found MORE things that are wrong with me. My thighs are too big, my face has too much fat, I’m not smart enough, I’m too loud, I say the wrong things, and my butt looks weird. Other people say I’m fine or that I worry too much, but then I hear other people who I envy with complaints about themselves. For example, one of my friends, who we’ll call Laura for privacy’s sake, is a beautiful girl. Seriously, she’s stunning. Yet I always find her counting calories, and constantly hear her talking about how she spent 2 hours in the gym trying to lose weight. She doesn’t need it. She has a cute figure, a gorgeous face, and hair that rocks. When are we going to learn to love ourselves as much as those who love us? Why can’t we be satisfied with what we see in the mirror? What is it that makes us want what we don’t have? I hear these awful stories of girls spending ridiculous amounts of time in the gym to lose an unhealthy amount of weight, and then they still aren’t satisfied, so they starve themselves and nearly die. And for what? To have the body of a ten year old boy. Why can’t we learn to live with and love our curves or our less than perfect thighs?