Some Thoughts on Growing Up

  Nostalgia is an interesting thing…it’s so bittersweet. It’s fun to look back, but then you have an intense longing to be in that moment again. I always get so emotional. Today I was driving home and two songs came on that made me choke up “100 Years” and “London Rain”. One song takes me back to high school, and the other goes back even farther to when I was a little girl. 100 Years just made me think of my growing up to this point. I’ll always be growing, but so far, this is the farthest I’ve come. My school chorus sang 100 Years for our “Senior night of Inspiration” and remembering rehearsing for that, perfecting it, and performing it….the emotions finally came crashing down on me and I had to fight off some serious tears (I always end up crying in the car for some reason). It just brought on these thoughts “I will never sing with that group again.” “I’m never going back.” “That was my last time.” and it’s almost too much to deal with. Growing up seems to have just snuck up on me. I feel like I was the same freshman and sophomore year and then I just did a lot of growing up my junior year. I really think that’s when I grew up the most, because I had to deal with a lot of intense emotions and turmoil. I’m certain I’ll look back later and think it really wasn’t a big deal, but at the time, those were the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with. 

Seriously. Everyone needs to read this book.

  John Green also contributed a lot to my growing up. His books made me really reflect on myself and consider the type of person I wanted to be. He gave me a whole new perspective on life and the world. Not to mention, his fictional characters made me cry more than I’ve ever cried over real people. 
Besides this, I don’t think I changed too much in my senior year; I just tried to be a better person and tried harder to be kind to everyone. It dawned on me that I can take what should be jokes too seriously and I need to learn to just laugh and joke back rather than get offended. Learning to laugh at yourself is probably one of the biggest signs of maturity, in my opinion. 
  After I got over my emotional reminiscing of high school, I sent myself into another spiral of emotion when “London Rain” came on. I don’t think I was even aware of this song until a couple years ago, but for some reason it takes me back to being a toddler, little girl, and pre-teen. I guess it’s the soothing voice and the feel the music gives me that remind me of the house I was a toddler in. It just reminds me of what I used to call “home”. I love looking back on the houses I used to live in, and someday I just want to take the time to go back and visit all of them. Throughout my life I’ve lived in seven houses, some more significant than others. There’s the house I was born in, the house on Eagle Ridge, my Lost Forest house, the house we used while in the process of moving, the New Jersey house, my personal favorite is the one on Granby Way, and this current house. I imagine there will be many more, but these are the houses I’ll have all my childhood memories in, besides the one I was born in. We moved before I had memory capacity. 
  The first house I really remember is Eagle Ridge. This is probably my second favorite house. It’s the house I became a big sister in and was the house I was a toddler in. This house always brings forth a cozy feeling when I look back on it. That’s probably because the most vivid memories I have are memories of being in my parents’ bath tub, being snuggled up with them, and laying in my bed at night. I think there’s something cozy about being little in general. Almost everything you do is precious and you don’t have a real grasp on what the world is yet. That innocence in itself is a haven, but we don’t realize it until later.

My house was the brick house on the right <3

  My favorite house is the one on Granby Way, and this is probably because I have the most childhood memories there, good and bad. I really did spend all but 2 years there as a little kid. This is the house in which I made my first best friends, where I felt my first heartbreak, had my first taste of independence, and had my first babysitting job. I always thought the cul-de-sac where I lived could be used in a movie or TV show. The setting was just perfect. There were kids of all ages, and each age group had somewhat of a little gang and each seemed to have a leader in my mind, usually the oldest. I remember spending hours playing four-square in the court paint up in the middle of the cul-de-sac by our neighbors. Depending on their mood, the older kids would either pummel the younger kids or go easy on them. Every younger kid went through a stage where they cried whenever they got out, but they always grew out of it. There was always a pretty lengthy line for those who wanted to play four-square. In the TV show/movie I imagined for this cul-de-sac, I pictured a montage of all the kids playing four-square, and as time goes by, the line gets smaller and smaller until the court is empty. Then, ideally, the “leaders” of the age groups would come back all grown up with children of their own and teach them how to play. I actually do want to go back and buy the house I was living in on that street when I get older. This probably won’t happen, but it’s an idea I’d like to hold onto. I occasionally go back and just sit outside the house and look back on the time I spent living there. The last time I went back, for some reason, I got more emotional than usual and ended up with tears streaming down my face. It may seem silly to some, but there’s a lot of sentiment attached to this house. Just as there is for the one I’m currently in.
  The house I currently call home isn’t particularly a favorite, but it is significant. This is the house I was a teenager in, learned to drive in, had my first “real” relationship in, and officially marked the divorce of my parents. This is the house where I did most of my growing up. It’s not as sentimental as the one on Granby Way, but it does have some sentimental memories in it. I can’t say I’ll be as devastated to leave it as I was when I left Granby Way, but maybe that’s because I leave it every week to go to my father’s house. It’s funny how people can have such an emotional connection to certain things and for others, nothing seems sentimental. It’ll be interesting to see what new places, people, and things, become close to my heart as I move forward in life. Will I become attached to the first home I have when I move out? The home I get married in? The one I have my first child in? Or will they all be the same place? I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.